Crying over spilled frozen milk

This morning I left the house in tears - big dew drop ones streaming down my face. Each drop rolling down my cheek a reminder of my sadness and bringing on another big drop - an endless cycle of self loathing.

When I get overwhelmed I cry and right now I feel overwhelmed - it is selfish and without merit because the things overwhelming me at not bad or sad or upsetting - they are exciting, adventurous and joyful. However, for me they mean change and unknown ...which makes me feel overwhelmed, which can make me cry...like this morning.

I should back track and say what actually pushed me to the point of crying was a culmination of events that started last night - not one worthy of tears, but alas...
I decided to make homemade ice cream sandwiches for our office BBQ tonight. I made the cookies and they were great. I added the ice cream and all seemed well. Then I opened the freezer and somewhere in between making them into sandwiches and getting them to the freezer the ice cream got too hot and melted into a swamp of sugar water around the cookies.
I was sad, real sad...and probably the most upset with myself for not realizing sooner that these would have never ever survived the trip to my office this morning thanks to humidity of bodies crammed into the subway on a summer day.

Fast forward to this morning, I opened the freezer and charging out and toppling onto the floor came the ice cream tub from last night and a few blackened bananas I am saving to make bread with, revealing behind them the mess that was my ice cream sandwiches. It was too much. I cried. I cried for no reason and through the tears tried to explain myself to a puzzled but sympathetic looking Mr. S.

And now I am sitting at my desk reflecting on my selfish morning and night of tears cried over dessert of all things...and being overwhelmed...but ultimately dessert!!!
So to help heal some of my Karma and get my head screwed on right, here is a list of the things I should have been focusing my energy on instead of crying - a list of things I am really darn appreciative for:

- A Garden that is Growing, producing fresh food and being beautiful
- A cat that snuggles up my to me at night and only grunts in the most amusing way possible when you disrupt her
- A partner who is understanding, talented and endlessly funny and who seems to file away with no judgment my overwhelmed moments and selfish tears
- Friendship, Family, Music, Creativity, Acceptance...

So here is to spending the rest of of my day with appreciation instead of negativity.

And here is to cupcakes (which I managed to make after pulling myself together last night)! I will make one for each of you for being such good listeners!